mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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