if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
operation have a gay friend backfired
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
