I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How does one acquire holy water?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
