Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize