Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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