just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
