please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
