so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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