How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My ATM looks so different sober.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
