i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
