I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hippo gnu deer
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
