obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize