I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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