I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
