we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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