i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
