My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
