it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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