someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
