if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize