Pappa wants mamma naked
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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