The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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