I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
