Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
