I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
