It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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