I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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