thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
