omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
