They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
