I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
