She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Enjoy the penises
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
