His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
