I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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