If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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