maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
