It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
