I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
