i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So much Jack, so little girl.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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