everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
