better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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