sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
