I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
