For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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