i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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