Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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