I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
