Michael Bay diarrhea
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
