shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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