Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
