tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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