well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
