Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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