I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
where are my eyebrows?
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