He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
