Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is Oprah even human
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
