He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm having to shit out rocks
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