im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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