I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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