Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
