Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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