weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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