and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
