I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
