I met the friendliest cop last night
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
