I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
