At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
