i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
