well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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