He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize