i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
