best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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