My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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