you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
