i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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