wat bout pragnant strippers??
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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