In the future we'll all be gay
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
