i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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