So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
