sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize