There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
