dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
