oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
