His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
