My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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