Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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