you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pants are for mortals
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
