I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize