you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
