Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
