White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Someone shit on the floor
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
