So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
