it wasn't lemon gatorade
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
