My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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