I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
