I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
